So it goes without saying that the most effective way to deal with any toxic individual is to remove them from your circle, but what do you do when this simply isn't possible?
What if the toxic person is a colleague or worse still your boss? Perhaps it's an ex partner with whom you have children and therefore it's simply not possible to cut them out or maybe its a member of your family. Whatever the situation, all is not lost and the " Grey Rock" method is a simple and effective tool that you can use to minimise the impact these individuals have on you and take back your power.
In general toxic people thrive on drama and attention. They have an innate ability to manipulate any situation, are self absorbed and self obsessed. They will relentlessly take and drain your energy all the while appearing to be working for your best interests. However in order for them to function in this way, they need interaction. Think of them as the star of their very own Tv show (trust me, they certainly see themselves as the star!).They need a supporting cast and crew, providing not only the stage on which they perform, but also the story line and of course the constant reinforcement through interaction. The Grey Rock method enables you to remove this interaction and in doing so your part in their show.
So, why "Grey rock"? Well, lets think for a moment about a grey rock, it is uninteresting, lacking in character or uniqueness and provides zero stimulation and quite simply that is the aim of this very effective method. The strategy here is to become the most boring, uninteresting person you can be whenever you have to deal with this toxic person. By making all of your interactions as brief and uninteresting as possible, you avoid giving the other person anything they can use to manipulate you. The end result will be that you will no longer provide the stimulation that they need and they will quite simply lose interest and step away.
So what are the top tips to "Grey Rock"?
1.Offer Nothing - Toxic people thrive on conflict, thrill, and chaos, To make yourself less appealing, you want to seem more lacklustre and uninteresting. Avoid sharing any details about yourself or your life with them. If they ask questions you can’t avoid answering, keep your face blank and your response vague.
2. Disengage and disconnect - Eye contact helps facilitate an emotional connection so avoid
it at all costs. Toxic people are constantly seeking attention. Whilst having to interact with
them, simply focus on another activity or look elsewhere. By giving your attention to
another activity, you send the message you won’t give them what they want and need.
3. Don't diminish yourself - When dealing with a toxic person, remember your energy is
already under attack, so it it is vitally important you take proper care of yourself. It is also
essential that you ensure that you spend time with people that you enjoy spending time
with as much as possible. As going "Grey Rock" requires a degree of disconnection, you
need to reconnect with positive people as often as possible.
Here is how a "Grey Rock" conversation might go:
Toxic Friend: Work has been totally mad recently—do you remember that annoying bloke Michael I told you about, who sits next to me? I reported him to HR and got him fired. I told them he was harassing me, which wasn’t technically true, but he was so irritating, he deserved it.
You: Oh, OK. Sounds like work will be better for you now.
Toxic Friend: How’s your work been? Is your boss still angry with you? Do you think you might get fired?
You: No, everything is pretty boring at work. Nothing much really going on.
Toxic Friend: And what about your boyfriend ? Is he still driving you nuts?
You: No, everything’s been OK with him. Things have been pretty normal.
Toxic Friend: Well, you’re going to die when you hear this story.
You: Oh.
Toxic Friend: You’ll never guess who I ran into last night.
You: No, I guess I wouldn’t.
Toxic Friend: Joanne!
You: I don’t think I know Joanne.
The bottom line is of course as I said at the beginning, the most effective way to deal with a toxic person is simply to remove them from your life but when that is not possible, this is a great method to use. Going "Grey Rock" is not easy for most of us, its not in our nature but give it a try and you will see just how effective it can be.
Love and light
Sharon x x
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