We all have days when we might have a bit of a "downer" on ourselves, its a part of life! You know what I mean, you get up in the morning, nothing you put on looks right, your hair is doing an excellent impression of a disobedient toddler and you wish you could lose/gain a few pounds etc etc. Like I say, this is all perfectly normal, but what about when you literally have nothing nice to say about yourself? What if you have got yourself stuck in a constant loop of negativity about every aspect of you and your life? Well then, you are certainly going to have a problem.
If we first of all, understand that everything is energy, every thought, word and action has its very own energetic frequency. Now lets consider that every thought, every word and very action you have about yourself is negative, that some seriously low vibe stuff right there! Not only are you systematically poisoning your own internal energy, causing a multitude of problems but also and there is where it gets really serious, the energy that you are portraying to the world is negative and that is what is going to come right back at you. Even more, if you can't think, act and speak with loving kindness about yourself, if you can't be your own cheerleader and have your own back; how is anyone else going to be able to? Negative self - talk is our biggest enemy. It holds us back in the past, it stops us from being positive about the future and it certainly doesn't allow us to find any peace in the present.
So what is this little devil? Self talk is that inner dialogue that constantly runs through our daily lives, that little voice, inside of us that provides a running commentary on everything we do, say, think and feel. When its positive, it can be like having our very own cheerleader, offering support and reassurance but when its negative, the impact on our self esteem, self worth and self confidence can be devastating.
As I said previously, negative self-talk is something that most of us experience from time to time. But for some people it becomes the overwhelming voice we hear constantly. It becomes our reality and impacts on the way we view ourselves, our life and the world around us. Negative self-talk is the inner dialogue you have with yourself that limits your ability to believe in yourself and your own abilities, it points out every failure, it discourages you from any thought of being able to reach your full potential. It diminishes your ability to make positive changes in your life and your confidence in yourself to do so.
Negative Self-talk can lead to a host of issues such as:
Limited thinking: The more you tell yourself you can't do something, the more you believe it.
Perfectionism: You begin to really believe that "great" isn't as good as "perfect," and that perfection is actually attainable.
Feelings of depression: Negative self-talk can lead to an exacerbation of feelings of depression, disappointment and dissatisfaction.
Relationship challenges: Whether the constant self-criticism makes you seem needy and insecure or you turn your negative self-talk into more general negative habits that bother others, a lack of communication and even a "playful" amount of criticism can take a toll.
So where does this negative self-talk stem from? Negative self-talk comes from when we internalise, create or accept negative messages about who we are, how we should act, or what we should feel from outside sources. Often, our reference points for this type of talk come from our childhood, our past relationships, past experiences. For example, if as a child you were constantly criticised about your sporting abilities, you will most likely have simply accepted that you are no good at sports. Perhaps you were asked to stand up in a class as a child and read something out and maybe you made a mistake and everyone laughed, that experience may have left you with the idea that you can't speak in front of people. And so the list goes on.
But you see, in almost all cases, this negative self talk is built on an untruth. You are generally basing your present moment on something which happened a long time ago or was someone else's opinion or someone else's rules. For example, just because you weren't very sporty at school doesn't automatically mean that you can't play sports or in fact that you wont be any good at it. You are not the same person you were back then, you've grown, you've changed and so what may indeed have applied back then doesn't necessarily apply now. And this is even more so the case when you are dealing with other people's opinions that you have CHOSEN to adopt as your truth, The reality of this is that it was just that...THEIR OPINION! Not fact, not definite, just their opinion and so there is no reason why you have to continue to reinforce it.
So how can you combat that negative voice constantly chirping away in the background? Well the first thing is to actually acknowledge and accept that this is what you are doing. A good way to do this is to really focus on your thoughts, words and actions for a few days. Consider how you are thinking about yourself, notice what words you use about yourself and how you look after yourself on a physical and emotional level. Be really honest with yourself, trust me when you really become mindful of this, it can be a real eye-opener to just how tough we can be on ourselves.
Once you have acknowledged that you are actually doing it, it's time to stop! So once again you need to become really mindful of your thoughts, we call this "Catching our critic". Learn to notice when you are being self-critical and stop yourself in your tracks. Sometimes, people find it helpful to give this negative voice a name like "Debbie Downer" or "Horrid Henry". It might seem silly at first but when you think of your inner critic as a force outside of yourself and even give it a nickname, it's not only more easy to realise that you don't have to agree, but it becomes less threatening and more easy to see how ridiculous some of your critical thoughts can be.
If you do find yourself unable to avoid engaging in negative self-talk, contain the damage! You can do this by setting firm boundaries, for example only allowing yourself to criticise certain things, setting a time limit on how long you can have these thoughts (never longer than 1 hour). This puts a limit on how much negativity can come from the situation.
The language we use can be very damaging as well. Try changing your words, for example; "I can't stand this" could become, "This is challenging." "I hate..." becomes, "I don't like..." When we make our self talk more gentle, we decrease it's negative power.
As we have already mentioned, negative self talk is often more about perception and less about reality and its real power is that often it goes unchallenged. So when you experience negative self talk ask yourself how true it actually is as this can help to take
away its damaging influence. It can also help to identify where the original concept comes from. Challenge yourself to reflect on where the idea stems from, is it something someone else said, is it from a previous experience, is it a learnt behaviour? Journaling is an excellent tool for this. Write down the negative thought and then begin to explore the how/why/where/when and who it got there. Once you understand this, then you are able to CHOOSE whether or not this is a narrative you want to continue with it. In simple terms, ask yourself " Am I buying into this?". If the answer is NO, then take this negative thought and change it to something positive that's also accurate. Repeat until you find yourself needing to do it less and less often. It's a great way to develop a more positive way of thinking about yourself and about life.
In closing, remember having a realistic view of yourself is great. We are not all great at everything, we can't all look like a super model and we all have parts of ourselves that perhaps we would prefer not to have, but and this is a big but. It is never ok for anyone to continually put someone down, criticise them, rubbish their ideas, hopes and dreams and that includes OURSELVES. We become a product of our thoughts, words and actions, so be positive, love yourself and treat yourself well and the world will too.
Love and light
Sharon x x x
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