Are you always looking over your shoulder, believing that there is always something or someone just waiting to expose you? Do you feel that you’re somehow getting away with something, and it’s only a matter of time before you get found out? Do you have a nagging sense that what you do is never quite good enough?
If you’re nodding yes to the above then you may be experiencing what’s called imposter syndrome: an internal fear of being a fraud, no matter how successful and accomplished you appear on the outside.
It has taken me a number of years to recognise this behaviour in myself and even now, every so often, it creeps up on me. Imposter syndrome can be triggered by a variety of things, in the main linked to our early experiences. For me, I came to realise that it stemmed from experiences throughout my childhood of never feeling quite good enough and from being consistently told that I would not amount to much. These limiting beliefs became my reality and whilst, like many people, this spurred me on to prove them all wrong, there was always that little voice inside my head, that inner critic, continually pointing out that I was in effect living on borrowed time and it wouldn't be long before I would be exposed as an Imposter!!!
Outwardly, the desire to prove your critics wrong tends to result in you becoming very driven and more often that not successful. However, despite your actual achievements, inwardly you can struggle with a host of negative thoughts such as...
Feeling like success is unachievable for you
Feeling incompetent despite regularly demonstrating competency
Fear of not meeting people expectations
Feeling like any past successes were only due to luck
Feeling unable to perform at the same level every time
Feeling uncomfortable with receiving any kind of praise, recognition or congratulations
Feeling constant pressure to achieve or be better than before.
People caught in the "imposter" trap will generally fall into one of the following categories (although some may experience a number of these traits)
Perfectionism
Setting yourself impossibly high standards for everything you do and then being unable to accept anything less than perfection. This can result in you becoming fearful of trying anything new for fear of not being able to do it well enough.
Overworking
Doing nothing is just not on your radar. You need to keep doing and be seen to be doing. If there isn't anything to do then you will find something and if you have too much to do you will worry and fret about not being able to complete everything.
Struggling with criticism
It’s incredibly difficult for you to take criticism on board. You can become defensive, and put up a long and detailed explanation of why you did what you did – or you can take it all personally and feel you could crumple in a heap with the shame of being criticised. Conversely of course, it comes as no surprise to you and only serves to support that inner critic telling you that you couldn't do it anyway!
Always comparing
You always feel that other people are better than you. They’re happier, more confident, more successful, more fulfilled.
Praise feels uncomfortable
While you love the praise, you’re not sure what to do with it as you, deep down, believe that the person praising you must be wrong and that you’re not worth the praise in the first place. You can bat away compliments, sometimes offending the person who offered them.
In a strange way, you can feel more comfortable with the criticism than praise as this is more believable for you.
You feel a fraud
You’re just waiting for that tap on the shoulder to indicate you’ve been found out, and to expose and shame you in public. You see any success you have as nothing more than luck and are constantly waiting for it all to come crashing down around your ears.
So what can you do? Well as always half the battle is simply recognising that you are experiencing these thoughts. It is important to recognise that as with all limiting beliefs, they are not and do not have to be your reality. Focus on your successes and start to believe in yourself, celebrate the small as well as the big. Learn to accept failure, Henry Ford once said, “Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.” Instead of beating yourself up for being human, learn to take value from the mistake and move on. Quieten that inner critic, remember we need to become our biggest cheerleader, speak kindly to yourself, use positive affirmations and practice self love. Step into your power, remember we cannot do anything about the past and we have no idea what the future has in store, so we can only ever deal with the present moment and in that moment, you can do anything! And finally and most importantly..............
The only way to stop feeling like an impostor is to stop thinking like an impostor.
Love and Light
Sharon x x x
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