So lets start with some questions. In the last week have you said "yes" to something that you really wanted to say "no" to? In the last week have you had to put your needs on the back burner to accommodate someone else's? In the last week have you been disrespected by someone's words or actions? If the answer to any of the above is "yes", then you really need to take a long hard look at your boundaries.
Setting and holding personal boundaries is essential for living a happy and fulfilled life. A life without limits means rarely saying "no" and considering everyone else's needs before your own. Not only is this people-pleasing behaviour physically exhausting, it is also emotionally draining and damaging. Without healthy boundaries we are effectively saying to the world that we don't matter.
Personal boundaries are the limits you set that describe how people can and can't treat you, how they can and can't behave around you and what they can and can't expect from you. Creating healthy boundaries is empowering and protects your self-esteem, sense of worth and maintains your self-respect. They also assist us to have more positive relationships with other people built on mutual respect and understanding.
Many people find themselves either unable to set boundaries or more often, unable to maintain them as either they feel uncomfortable with the whole idea, they have no idea where to start or they simply don't realise they need them. Often, we are afraid to have boundaries as we feel that people will react badly and judge us negatively. But boundaries are not negative, they are not something designed to make you unhappy in fact once you have them in place, you will quickly discover that the reverse is true. Boundaries are not their to limit you but rather to protect your joy and allow you to really enjoy the things you choose to do in life as they match your values. And finally, boundaries are NOT selfish. This is one of the biggest misconceptions for people. Having boundaries doesn't mean you have to always say no, nor does it mean that you stop caring about others needs; they just ensure that you stop always putting yourself last.
So how do you know if you currently lack effective, healthy boundaries? Well take a look at this list and see how many of these things apply to you.
Your relationships tend to be difficult or dramatic. The fewer boundaries you have in place the more space you give to people who want to take advantage, control or manipulate you.
You often feel that people don't show you respect. If you don't have clear boundaries, people will not know how you expect to be treated and so will often unintentionally behave in a way that leaves you feeling disrespected.
You find making decisions difficult.
You don't like to let people down so find yourself often saying yes to things when you really can't or don't want to do it.
If you do say no, you find yourself feeling guilty and anxious and worried that you have upset people.
You regularly suffer from either oversharing or under sharing and can't get the balance right.
You often find yourself in the role of "victim", feeling like you have no control over situations that happen to you.
You regularly feel like you have no choice.
You are often tired for no apparent reason.
You feel a sense of confusion about who you are and what you want.
If you answered yes to any of the above statements, chances are you are either lacking any boundaries, have the wrong boundaries or are simply not managing your boundaries effectively. When we don't have healthy boundaries we leave ourselves open to the will of others, enabling them to dictate what we think, how we act and feel. You will also be spending your time and energy in all the wrong places.
Building Better Boundaries is a practical course designed to assist you to identify your Core values, develop clear personal boundaries, learn how to implement and communicate them as well as developing healthy relationships. If you would like to find out more about this course or to book, please do get in touch soulpurposewantage@gmail.com
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