Ok, so hands up everyone who heard as a child that infamous saying " I want never gets"? The war cry of many a stressed out parent designed to instil manners and an understanding that we are simply not meant to demand things. But here's a thought is "wanting" something so bad?
Sustainability, encourages us to rethink our habits and question whether we really "need" the things we "want". All very commendable when, we are considering the impacts of our constant desire to fill our homes, wardrobes and lives with stuff but what about when it comes to our relationships with other people?
Let's look at the definition of the word "want" - a desire for something. "the expression of our wants and desires" (Definitions from Oxford Languages). When you consider it in this context, how can this be wrong? Globally, we are all being woken up to the idea that we need to get better at not only recognising and acknowledging our inner most desires but more importantly feeling confident and able to express them for our own mental well being. We all understand the emotional harm that comes from feeling that we have to suppress our authentic self. The feeling of being unfulfilled and dissatisfied in areas of our life, where we are unable to actually create and experience the things that truly make us feel alive. Settling for second best and putting up with unfulfilling relationships, simply because we feel unable to express what we really want.
For me the word "want" evokes a strong connection with our emotions. It recognises that we understand ourselves and what makes us happy and that we acknowledge that we are deserving and worthy of filling our lives with experiences, things and people that bring us true joy. "Want" is. in my opinion, a truly empowering word. It recognises our right to make choices and to be in control of our life. In the context of our relationships with others, when we "want" to be around someone , we are expressing our choice to open our hearts and our lives to that person because they are adding to our experience. We are not reliant on that person for our sense of self, to give us meaning or value. In other words we "want" them but we don't "need" them.
So mow lets take a look at the word "need" and it's definition: -expressing necessity or obligation (Definitions from Oxford Languages). When we talk about needing something, it is generally bourn out of practicality or necessity as opposed to a true desire. Society dictates for example that we "need" a steady job to pay the bills but what if what we " want" is to run our own business? The term "need" implies that we are disempowered to make choices, that we have to conform or accept. It shrinks our dreams and our goals down into what is practical. In our relationships, the word "need" infers that we have a reliance on that person, that we require their validation in order to have a sense of purpose. When we give away our personal power in this way, we leave ourselves open to disappointment because the truth of the matter is that we will never achieve that validation when we place it in the hands of others.
Need and want are very emotive words and whilst I am not saying that either are necessarily "bad", it is important that we are conscious about the way we use them. Denying our wants is to deny our sense of self, who and what you truly are. When we use the word "need" to define something which we feel we are reliant on for our sense of purpose, then we are making a choice to relinquish our power. So choose your words carefully!
Love and light
Sharon
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