So last Monday. Boris finally made the announcement that we all knew was coming. For me, it was a mixture of relief that a decision had finally been made (albeit at the eleventh hour), quickly followed by an overwhelming sense of impending doom!!!! You see, unlike the first time around, we knew what was coming; the tears, the tantrums, the feelings of being a complete an utter failure and I am of course referring to us adults here, not the children!
So here we are again, and if the rumours are to be believed, here we may be for a good while yet! Now I am not an expert, but I am a mum, who also has a full time business to run as well as all of the usual household chores and so I thought I would draw on my own experiences and share some thoughts and tips that I hope might help some of you. I have also included a little meditation, I recorded that you can use whenever you need to just relax and remember, how awesome you are!
But before I get into some tips, I thought it might be a good time for us all to get real for a moment and dispel a few of the myths. Firstly, this is NOT "Home schooling"! Home schooling is a life choice. It is something that some parents CHOOSE to do. They have the time to carefully consider the impact on their day to day life and to plan to make changes to accommodate this choice. They can research, prepare and access all of the resources they need.
We didn't make this choice! We, are in state of crisis management, brought on by a Global Pandemic entirely out of our control. When Boris made his announcement, he didn't follow it up by saying that an additional 12 hours had been added to each day. Our lives were not planned or prepared for this. None of us have trained as teachers, nor did we ever have an urge to become one (unless of course you are). Our homes are not geared up to become classrooms and we certainly don't have a cupboard full of teaching resources, which have just been waiting to come out.
What we are is a group of concerned, loving parents who are just trying to keep our s**t together in an ever changing and crazy world, that none of us signed up for. So if you are already feeling like a failure, beating yourself up for not being a Superwomen/man and worrying about how your shortcomings as an educator are going to affect your kids....STOP! Just take a moment and a breath and remember that our little people are so much more resilient than we give them credit for and will probably handle this whole thing a lot better than we do. They are safe, they are loved and you are doing the best you can for them and that will always be good enough, so ease up on yourself.
So on to my tips, as I said I'm not professing to be an expert nor am I claiming that I have got it all sussed (hence the blog title) but these are a few things that have helped me and also some ideas that I have gained from some of my other lovely mummy friends. Of course if you have any other ideas (that don't include duct tape and a cupboard...as tempting as that might sound!), please do feel free to share them because at the end of the day, we are all in this together.
1. Prioritise - As I mentioned earlier, when the schools closed, we didn't all suddenly get extra hours in the day and I am certain that we haven't all been sitting around, twiddling our thumbs and waiting for something to come along and fill 5 or 6 hours of our day. The fact is that we had busy schedules before all of this. Whether you were a stay at home parent, work, run your own business, have other children etc, we all had a full day and those jobs haven't gone anywhere since the announcement. So something has to give and it CAN'T be you. So prioritise, what needs to be done over what can be left. Let's face it, none of us have anyone visiting anytime soon, so if you can't get to that pile of ironing or dust, it's not like anyone will know! We have to face facts that we simply cannot do everything, so get rid of the unnecessary.
2. Ask for help - Something that none of us are ever very good at but now is not the time to be a martyr!!! Technology has it's uses and this is one of them. Facebook live, Zoom and the like offer an excellent solution to virtual help. Perhaps you have Grandparents who are fed up of watching Countdown on repeat and would relish the opportunity to do some virtual babysitting for 1/2 an hour, maybe a friend who doesn't have children themselves and would be willing to do a bit of virtual teaching or maybe even get a group of your mummy friends and take it in turns to host a 1/2 hour virtual meetup. You're not leaving the house, so will still be on hand to deal with any emergencies but it might just give you 1/2 an hour to get something else done or just sit and have a cuppa.
3. Find time for yourself - Now this is a really important one. Whatever happens, you have to take care of yourself too. Make sure at least once a week (more if you can), you take some time for you. Have a lovely bath, read a book, have a conversation with another adult! Whatever it is that relaxes you and allows you to reconnect with yourself after all, trust me "You're worth it". Try where possible not to turn your evenings after the kids have gone to bed into the time when you catch up with everything else. You need a break and you will be better able to deal with the next day if you've had one.
4. Don't compare, don't judge - As I said technology and social media have their uses but not as a tool to beat yourself over the head. Remember, no one ever posts when they have not managed to get dressed by lunchtime, their house looks like the entire England Rugby squad have burst through and the children are currently trying to disembowel each other. Don't fall into the trap of comparing yourself or your children to others, you are not them and they are not you, we may all be in the same boat but we all have our own challenges. Equally important is not to fall into the trap of judging for exactly the same reason, we never know what some else is going through until we have walked in their shoes.
5. Screen time is fine - Ok, so I am probably about to get yelled at here so bare with me. As parents, we have been conditioned to believe that gadgets and games consoles are creations of the devil himself and that we are terrible parents if we allow our children to use them. Well, I'm here to say that quite frankly there are times when they are a godsend! and I am not ashamed to say it. If allowing your child to plug in for a while, gives you an opportunity to get something else done, I say go for it!! Of course, I am not advocating that they spend all day everyday plugged in but if them having some downtime engaged in something they enjoy, gives you time to take a breath then to me that's a win win.
6. Natural resources - Again this may not be for everyone, but I am guessing by the fact that you are reading my blog, you probably have some interest in holistic treatments. So here are some ways you can turn to natural sources for some help to stay calm.
Crystals - crystal have incredible healing properties and can be used for all sorts of things. Pop a crystal in your pocket, get a palm stone and hold it when you need to connect or perhaps wear it as a bracelet or necklace. Here are my favourites -
Carnelian - A joyful, energetic stone which promotes courage and the ability to get through difficult times. Start your day off by holding this stone and repeating a short affirmation such as " I can do this, I've got this", follow up with a couple of strong cups of coffee and you're good to go!
Sodalite - Good for logic and communication, so perfect for dealing with the ten thousand "why" questions, we face throughout the day from our little darlings.
Selenite - Great for keeping your vibe high and giving you the energy you need to get to the end of the day.
Amethyst - Soothing and calming. Pop this around your home to help spread peace and harmony to everyone.
Essential Oils - Similar to crystals, essential oils have a host of healing benefits. For the ultimate in relaxation, Lavender is my go to fragrance but chamomile, bergamot and lemon balm are also fabulous. There are a multitude of ways to work with them, diffusers, candles, wax melts, room sprays, roll on's and more. There are lots of places you can purchase from but here are a few of my favourite local small businesses that I can highly recommend.
- Lime Naturals: Handmade natural Body products. I would specifically recommend the pulse point roll on's. Perfect to use throughout the day.
- Hoof & Paw - Creators of amazing candles combining essential oils and crystals. Check out their Amethyst Candle, perfect to bring some zen to your home.
Little Lanterns - Creators of amazing wax melts, candles and room sprays. Check out their Lavender room spray.
Little Pot of Magic - I can totally recommend their Temple Balm to help with stress headaches.
7. Breathe - Might seem like an obvious one and something that we all do, but there is a ton of scientific evidence that supports the benefits of mindfully breathing. Its not complicated or difficult to do and even doing it for just a moment or two every day will make the world of difference. Sometimes, especially when trying to calm yourself in a stressful moment, it helps to start by taking an exaggerated breath: a deep inhale through your nostrils (3 seconds), hold your breath (2 seconds), and a long exhale through your mouth (4 seconds). Continue to do this for a few moments until you feel reconnected.
8. Meditate- Meditation is about taking some time out and simply reconnecting with yourself, It allows you to empty your mind and just relax. Even if you have never tried it before, consider giving it a go and see for yourself just how fab you feel. If you would like to try a simple 10 minute relaxation meditation, here is one I have recorded especially for all the parents and carers out there. Click here
I hope you've enjoyed reading this blog and that perhaps it has given you a few ideas to try. Wherever you are and whatever you are dealing with right now, know that you are not alone and that you are doing your best and that will always be ENOUGH!!!
Love and light
Sharon x x x
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