"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whichever way they like"
LAO- TZU
Going with the flow, 4 simple words but something that we all struggle to master. So why is it so hard for us to simply let go, relax and allow things to happen? Well, the simple answer is control. Let's be honest we all like to feel that we are in control, we like our routines, we like things to run exactly as we have planned and most of us don't really like change. There is safety in routine, we feel secure when we know what to expect, what's going to happen and how. So when something crops up unexpectedly we don't like it. As a self-confessed control freak, I certainly like to be in control. Not in a narcissistic way; but in a " I don't feel safe if I don't know what is going to happen" kind of way.
However as a mum to 2 autistic children and having lived a not so conventional life, I have learnt that no matter how hard you try to control things, no matter how much you build structure and routine there will always be things that we can't control. Those unexpected twists and turns of life, will, if you allow them to, be the very things that create anger, frustration, resentment and stress and there really is nothing you can do to avoid them. The answer - to go with the flow.
But what does it mean to "go with the flow"? It's really about accepting that stuff happens. Heraclitus said "the only constant is change" and I have to say I agree. The only thing we can guarantee is that life will and does change. But more than that going with the flow is about taking life as it comes rather than constantly trying to force it to fit what we think it should be. As with so many things in life, we can take lessons from nature. There is no beginning and no end to the cycles of nature, just flow. Nature doesn't throw a tantrum when change occurs, it simply adapts. It doesn't set rules about how things should happen or what they should look like, it just accepts what is. Nature doesn't waste valuable time or energy fighting against the flow, it just simply works with it.
"Go with the flow. Force nothing. Let it happen....trusting that whichever way it goes, it will be for the best"
MANDY HALE
So how can we find our flow more easily? Now I don't profess to be an expert here, I am still very much a work in progress myself, but here are some of the things I have learnt along the way, which might just help:
Realise that we can't control everything: Now this is a big one! When we can accept that things can and WILL happen and that we cannot control them, we can start to be in the flow. Of course, we can influence and plan but ultimately there will always be people, things and situations outside of our control and not accepting this will only result in a constant state of frustration, disappointment, anger and stress
Raise your awareness: We can't change our behaviour unless we become aware of it. We need to become an observer of our thoughts and actions, notice when we are experiencing those feelings of frustration and anger, identify the triggers. Then we can CHOOSE to take a different approach. We can remind ourselves to go with the flow as opposed to against it.
Find a different perspective: Take a step back ( either physically or mentally) and look at the bigger picture. Think of your mind like a camera, how as you zoom out, you can see more and more of the picture; getting a different perspective. Often when we take a step back, we can see things in a different way. We are able to get perspective and recognise that what may feel like a huge deal in that moment is not so big in the grand scheme of things.
Accept change and imperfection: We all like things the way we like them and we don't usually want them to change. But the fact is that change is a necessary part of life. Things can and will change, so it is better to accept that from the get go. Learn to enjoy things as you have them and to embrace the change as it happens. The world is constantly changing, growing and evolving and we are part of that change. We also need to let go of the idea of perfection. Perfection simply doesn't exist! This doesn't mean we should stop striving to improve our lot, or even that we shouldn't have hopes and dreams, but learn to love and accept ourselves, our life and the world around us as it is right now, warts and all.
Find the beauty in chaos: Similar to my point above about perfection, finding the beauty in everything as it is, accepting that life is messy, chaotic and ever changing and celebrating that fact will allow us to find our inner peace. There is beauty in everything, if we look at it as perfect.
Be kind to yourself: This is not an easy journey and it isn't going to happen overnight. Take baby steps and celebrate your successes. As you learn to go with the flow, there will still be moments of frustration, but know that each time your build more awareness, more acceptance and more perspective, it will get easier. Use some of these self-care tools to help you on your journey; meditate, journal, talk to others, be present, practice gratitude and laugh. Remember this is all about practice, not perfection.
My final words are to remind you that we all only have one life and this is it! It may not be perfect but it is beautiful and that should make it perfect in your eyes. So embrace change, go with the flow and live your crazy, chaotic, ever changing best life. Sometimes, we will be brought challenges that we would not have chosen and sometimes our path will be easy. Choose your responses carefully, they really are the only thing you can control.
Love and light
Sharon x x
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